What the Past Year Has Done:

I was alone in the dark
Never let down my guard
Closed the curtain on my heart
So the world could not see
All the demons in me
Told myself I was free
Then you showed me how wrong I could be

[Chorus:]
Now I'm standing on a mountain of rubble
That once was a wall
Took years to build around me
And you came along
And you tore it down
Like it was nothing at all
Now it's a little scary
Learning to fall

When you looked in my eyes
Past the fear and false pride
You saw goodness inside
I can't believe how I feel
I believe love is real
And I'm ready to heal
You show me how right I can be

[Chorus]

I was holding on, now I'm letting go
I was holding on, now I'm letting go
I was holding on, now I'm letting go

[Chorus]
"Learning to Fall"-Martina McBride

This whole year has been full of lessons. And you know what's amazing to me? I'm learning. I thought I knew it all when I got here...but all I learned was that I wasn't as mature as I thought I was. It's still really hard sometimes, but everyday I feel myself improving. I've learned how to love, I've learned how to open up to the people that I trust...and it's been scary, but my walls have come down.

I feel like everything that has happened to me lately has been fated in a sense. Granted, I have chosen for things to turn out the way they have, but it all feels right. I'm going to look back on this year not as a negative experience, but as something that helped me grow up and figure out what it is that I truly want, what's really important to me.

I've had to stomp down a lot of pride and selfishness about transferring. A lot. Part of me still feels like I'm giving up by not staying down here, but I know in my heart that I wouldn't be happy. I want to stay to prove everyone wrong about me and this school...but I can't succeed in life doing what everyone else wants.

I want everything I have right now. I wouldn't change a thing about my life, I'm so satisfied with how it's all going.

It's always surprising to me how easily we get to blaming other people about distances that develop between one another. This seems to be happening quite a bit at home and down here. Relationships are two-way endeavors. There's always a reason why people drift, besides the physical distance itself. I wish people would look to that first before they started pointing the finger. Distance isn't necessarily a bad thing-it's something that usually happens when big changes occur in our lives. It's whether or not you can bounce back from it that matters. No effort=no improvement. Just a thought.

Everday with him feels like it's getting better and better. I don't feel afraid to really look ahead anymore...because if we truly love each other, we'll make it there. It may not always be easy, but we can do it. I still have a lot of growing up to do in terms of being in a relationship. But I'm getting a lot better with that. I can't put all the blame on past experiences (although that definitely is a big chunk), some of it has just been me needing time to mature a little more. He makes me so happy :),